Monday, March 29, 2010

Sacred Tears


“There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.” - Washington Irving


How many tears can one woman cry? The answer: Infinite.

The circle of life just keeps moving – and it keeps adding to my joys and sorrows of time. Saturday, July 11, 2009, I saw my first born son walk down the aisle and marry his soul mate and love of his life. The tears were of joy and gratitude – of feeling proud and maybe a little (ok – a lot) sentimental. I had the honor of dancing with him to “Family Traditions” (yes, we do have a sense of humor) and toasted his happiness and future. I gathered with friends and love ones, cherishing this special day forever, praying the happiness would never end. I’ve grown closer to my son, and I’ve gained the most precious daughter in the world. One of the best parts? Her mother and I are best friends – and now, family.

As I starting coming down from the high of the weekend, knowing the newlyweds were enjoying their honeymoon, the circle took a turn. I am now crying tears of extreme sorrow and sadness. Our dog, Scruffy, took her last breath at 4:30 pm on July 13, 2009. As her selfless and beautiful soul left her body, I had the honor of looking her into her eyes and telling her how much she was loved. My husband and I held her and cried – sharing our sorrow and grief. We’ve had her for 11 years. She was a “who knows what” kind of terrier mix that my son and I rescued from the pound. She loved her family as no other dog could. She was a 13 pound bundle of energy, life, love and zest. She was an “adventure dog” to say the least. She loved hiking and swimming and running and boating. She loved to travel and ride in the car. She loved chasing birds across meadows and beaches. And she loved us unconditionally every second of every day. As I write this I have a sense of emptiness. She always sat under my chair while I worked…she was my shadow – my buddy – my confidant.

The tears keep flowing…but for now I will not stop them. Everywhere I turn I see Scruffy. Everywhere I turn there are wedding pictures of my son. Around every corner is another reason to cry. The feelings bubble up when I least expect them to. Grief. Sorrow. Thankfulness. Loneliness. Sadness. Happiness. Joy. For now I invite all my tears to stay in my life, and appreciate their sacredness – and allow them to be my catharsis.

How many tears can one woman cry? As many as she needs to.


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