The Dead (Beat) of Winter

I am not sure if I like the phrase “dead of winter.” Yes, I know it alludes to the coldest time of the year. And I know that when everything goes into hibernation, including humans, we all get a zombie like glaze that is quite common in the Midwest area. But even dead zombies don’t really appear dead.
I firmly believe in the disorder called SADD – Suddenly our Action Definitely Declines. It’s a natural phenomenon that occurs somewhere between the first bowl touchdown and the final markdown sale of Christmas items. We become total slugs. Our goal is to nest, stay warm, eat chili and perfect the art of being a couch potato.
The dead of winter is not really a fun time. The sun goes down by noon, reruns are on television, static runs amuck in hair and clothing, we have to wear ugly boots with our cute dresses and my dogs track in more mud, snow and ice than a polar bear hunting in a frozen bog.
Sure there are those that still go to the gym. There are those that jog with their parkas and ear muffs on. There are even those crazy people that swim in the freezing cold water of the local YMCA. But I tend to go along with the intelligent brown bear: eat as much as you can, kick the children out, bury yourself in a warm cave, and sleep until spring. All I need is a fireplace, a bottle of red wine, my dog to keep my feet warm and a great book and winter can keep on keeping on.
But, just as I start getting very comfortable being a slug – just as the term “complacent” becomes my mantra, nature steps in and kicks me out of my reverie. After a long bout of very short, dark and dreary days, dull grey skies and bad movies on the Lifetime channel, something magical happens. The sky starts dumping snow. Lots and lots of beautiful, shining, pristine white snow. Snow perfect for sledding, building snowmen, skiing, building snow forts, and hiking with the dogs. It beckons for us to don our colorful hats, scarves and mittens and come out and play. It magically covers the grey and brightens up the landscape. It coats the pine trees like powdered sugar and makes the hills and slopes look like a whipped cream delight. It gets neighbors out helping each other shovel, happy to catch up.
So even though we may return to our zombie like trances and will have to wear bronzer so we won’t look like Robert Patterson, for now, the snow is calling. It’s time to get outside and laugh and play and burn some calories….because old man winter isn’t quite finished with the dreariness yet.

The "R" Word - New Years Goals or - Bacon Rules!

Ok, here it comes. The “R” word. It’s the first day of 2011, and I am setting goals and making promises to myself. I really don’t like the word “resolution” because it undoubtedly involves failure – and usually deprivation of some sort. Hence, the word goals.
My first goal is pretty simple: Eat bacon. I have been depriving myself of this major food group for 12 years. As a quasi-vegetarian I would eat lots of fish and at times dip my toe into the “fowl” arena, but chose not to eat red meat, pork and yes – definitely no bacon. Oh, a time or two I would splurge on turkey bacon – and I always had tofu bacon on hand. (You can’t lie about something like that). Trust me; a fake BLT is not my favorite summertime food. But something magical happened to me a couple of days ago. I was having dinner with a good friend of mine and we ordered blue cheese smothered homemade potato chips topped with huge chunks of real bacon bits. (Oh yes, so very good). Normally I would order them sans bacon. It was habit. But I forgot to say “no bacon please”. And when they arrived, I grabbed a loaded chip and popped it in my mouth without even thinking. And a party ensued. My mouth loved every second, and some kind of sensor was sending euphoric signals to my brain. Bacon! I had deprived myself of this wonderful food group for 12 long years! No more. I felt like that little dog on the TV commercial. Bacon! Bacon! Bacon!
I will still be mainly a fishetarian but with one minor exception – I will be adding bacon to the mix. I have done a little research on the subject. Bacon contains Vitamin B1, B12, Zinc & Selenium. National Bacon Day is held the Saturday before Labor Day. The most popular flavors include: hickory, maple, applewood and mesquite. I now have heard about chocolate covered bacon, bacon flavored ice cream and bacon martinis. Brings a whole new meaning to the term “sweet and salty” – but the older I become I have learned to “never say never”. Which is why I ordered a T-shirt that says “Bacon is Meat Candy”. Ahhhh - and it is, it really is.
I really only have one other goal besides eating bacon – and that is to move my body more (I don’t like the word exercise). The two goals really are a perfect match. The second goal allows me to enjoy the first goal even more.
I guess I realized, after 12 years of silliness, that bacon really does make everything better. So, Happy New Year everyone – and - in the words of Homer Simpson, “MMMMM, Bacon”.