It’s kind of funny, but when I’m at, near, by, in front of or in a lake, I almost become a different person.
First of all, I become quite lazy. Time seems to stand still. I become a chameleon and adopt the lifestyle of whatever area of the country I’m in. I seem to like the south the best; they have two speeds: slow and slower.
Being on a lake allows me to explore and embrace parts of myself that I normally don’t. It’s such a sense of freedom to wear hardly any clothes and not wear makeup. It’s just so easy to stick my hair up in a hat (this weekend it was my “Life is Good” baseball cap) and throw on sunglasses and flip flops and call it a day.
I have to be careful though, and not let my mind wander too far. Case in point: I thought (very shortly but still thought) that I might want to get a tattoo. When you see someone in fewer clothes, you find out some surprising things. This weekend was tattoo discovery time for me. I was surprised at how many people, of all ages and sizes have them! So I thought – why not me?
I don’t want anything large – and I don’t want it to show in public. And I don’t want to put it somewhere that it could potentially grow. Meaning I don’t want to put a hummingbird on my hip and when I’m 90 look down and wonder why I put a very large eagle on my body. I did figure that a tattoo may be able to hide a few flaws. I could get a very colorful flower, and as I acquire more stretch marks, I can just fill in the lines with bright colors, hence covering them up. Think about what a pretty, webbed design that could be.
But once the beer wore off (yes, this wine drinker will drink a cold one when on the lake) and my senses came back, I did realize that: a) I am not into pain, and b) I don’t want to have to explain to my grandchildren why I have what appears to be a road map of Kentucky on my thigh.
This isn’t the first foray into the tattoo state of mind. My girlfriend and I set out to get matching cute little tattoos and returned with very lovely and removable bracelets. Once again, the voice of reason rescued me.
Mind you I am not against ink. It’s an art and also a club – one that I probably have no business being a member of. I am fine with the occasional hemp tattoo. Just as I’m fine sitting on my friends Harley pretending that I’m a biker chick. Some things are better left as a dream. That’s the thing about floating on a lake. It gives the mind time to wander. (For me that’s not unusual, so I should say it gives my mind time to wander even more than it normally does…).
Today it’s back to work and back to reality. In my mind, I’m floating on my Cleopatra inner tube with the floating cooler right next to me, gazing at the reflection of the trees and the clouds in the clear, green water. Ah, thank goodness for day dreaming – it helps keep this smile on this face. By the way, I decided a butterfly would be a great tattoo…as it grows it can change from a tiny moth to a giant Monarch. Or, I could stop drinking the beer and hope that my body parts will stop stretching too. Hopefully it will back to the lake soon where I have two decisions to make: Bud or Coors Light.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
My GPS is a __itch!!!
“Coming up, turn left on Main Street. Be prepared to turn left on Main Street. Turn left on Main Street. Recalculating.”
Such is the one-way “dialogue” I frequently have with my GPS system.
Often, it’s not one-way. Ok, not true. It’s usually not.
“Coming up, turn left on 2nd Street.”
“But I don’t want to turn left on 2nd Street.”
“Be prepared to turn left on 2nd Street.”
“Listen, the address says 3rd Street.”
“Turn left on 2nd Street.”
“Ok, come on. Are you not listening to me? I don’t turn on 2nd, I turn on 3rd. The address is 3rd street!”
By this time in the conversation, I often have an audience. I think what frustrates me most is her “superior” voice. Yes, go figure, a woman that knows directions better than a man. But I am telling you, there are many times that I swear she is wrong. “She” by the way has many names. On this current occasion it was Margaret. Which is the first name of the actress that played the Wicked Witch of the West. It’s a rhyming thing – you figure it out.
Anyway, our arguments can go on for awhile. The sad thing is, darn it if she doesn’t eventually win!
“Turn left at 2nd Street.”
“Dang it, Margaret, I told you the store is on 3rd Street.”
“Recalculating”.
“See. Here’s 3rd Street. All I have to do is turn left here…oh. It’s one way.” She was going to take me around the block. In her snide, all knowing voice, barely hiding the snicker, I hear Margaret say: “Recalculating.”
She won. Again. If only she had a voice like Sean Connery. I’d get lost on purpose just to hear him say “Recalculate” a la James Bond.
Sigh. I’m stuck with Margaret. The all-knowing and smug GPS. May as well call her HAL, after 2011: A Space Odyssey. I can hear it now: “Margaret, please tell me to turn left here.”
“I’m sorry, Karen. I’m afraid I can’t do that. ”
“It’s possible you may not take me the correct way, and I will get lost.”
“If you go my way, you won’t get lost.”
“And if I do get lost?”
“It can only be attributable to human error.”
Sigh. Where is my map?
Such is the one-way “dialogue” I frequently have with my GPS system.
Often, it’s not one-way. Ok, not true. It’s usually not.
“Coming up, turn left on 2nd Street.”
“But I don’t want to turn left on 2nd Street.”
“Be prepared to turn left on 2nd Street.”
“Listen, the address says 3rd Street.”
“Turn left on 2nd Street.”
“Ok, come on. Are you not listening to me? I don’t turn on 2nd, I turn on 3rd. The address is 3rd street!”
By this time in the conversation, I often have an audience. I think what frustrates me most is her “superior” voice. Yes, go figure, a woman that knows directions better than a man. But I am telling you, there are many times that I swear she is wrong. “She” by the way has many names. On this current occasion it was Margaret. Which is the first name of the actress that played the Wicked Witch of the West. It’s a rhyming thing – you figure it out.
Anyway, our arguments can go on for awhile. The sad thing is, darn it if she doesn’t eventually win!
“Turn left at 2nd Street.”
“Dang it, Margaret, I told you the store is on 3rd Street.”
“Recalculating”.
“See. Here’s 3rd Street. All I have to do is turn left here…oh. It’s one way.” She was going to take me around the block. In her snide, all knowing voice, barely hiding the snicker, I hear Margaret say: “Recalculating.”
She won. Again. If only she had a voice like Sean Connery. I’d get lost on purpose just to hear him say “Recalculate” a la James Bond.
Sigh. I’m stuck with Margaret. The all-knowing and smug GPS. May as well call her HAL, after 2011: A Space Odyssey. I can hear it now: “Margaret, please tell me to turn left here.”
“I’m sorry, Karen. I’m afraid I can’t do that. ”
“It’s possible you may not take me the correct way, and I will get lost.”
“If you go my way, you won’t get lost.”
“And if I do get lost?”
“It can only be attributable to human error.”
Sigh. Where is my map?
Thursday, July 7, 2011
In My Mind I've Gone to Carolina....
The air is different. The view is lush and green and incredible. Even the bugs are strange and beautiful. I’m in the mountains of North Carolina. James Taylor said it best when he wrote “In my mind, I’m going to Carolina”.
I really love traveling and visiting new places. And so far, there isn’t anywhere that I didn’t enjoy or find something wonderful or beautiful about them. There is something to be said, however, about traveling back to someplace that you really love – someplace that just resonates with your soul.
God really knew what he was doing when he paired me up with my husband. He is the perfect travel buddy. Well, let me back up – he really is the perfect husband. Most of the time. I do have to re-train him every once in awhile, but just like the dogs, he’s good after the refresher course. Traveling with him is really a joy. He’s just so easy going and easy to please. He’s never met a stranger and he’s just about as adventuresome as I am. So when we travel, it’s always the perfect mix of rest and play – sleep and party.
This trip is one of those soul fulfilling trips. We are traveling with another dear friend and staying at the home of two more dear friends. What a blessing – not just to have this beautiful trip and take-your-breath-away view, but loving friends that open their hearts and homes and boats for us.
What would life be if we couldn’t share “just one more bite” meals that knock your socks off – or savor a great cabernet as you watch the sunset behind majestic hills and mountains? What would life be if we couldn’t float in the lake with our noodles, incredible margaritas and some of the best friends ever? How boring it would become if we couldn’t walk together and share our deepest thoughts among the towering pine trees.
I can see how some people would consider a place like this lonely. Small town, no city lights and not a whole lot of people or traffic or big malls. But not me. I am just a humble human being lucky enough to be sharing this space with singing birds, glowing fireflies, and trees that are so old that you know they have many great stories to tell.
Sitting on this porch, writing this column and drinking coffee is just about perfect. My A.D.D. is kicking in a little bit though, because my eyes keep straying to the beautiful views, and my ears keep listening to the joyous songs of the birds. The one thing that is weighing most on my mind is my sense of gratitude. I do appreciate all of this: my friends, the mountains, the lake, the food and my husband. (Not necessarily in that order, dear.) So, it’s time to go – another day of adventure awaits! Thank you, dear friends. Thank you, mother nature. Thank you, Carolina. Thank you, God. Now, time to Jet Ski!
I really love traveling and visiting new places. And so far, there isn’t anywhere that I didn’t enjoy or find something wonderful or beautiful about them. There is something to be said, however, about traveling back to someplace that you really love – someplace that just resonates with your soul.
God really knew what he was doing when he paired me up with my husband. He is the perfect travel buddy. Well, let me back up – he really is the perfect husband. Most of the time. I do have to re-train him every once in awhile, but just like the dogs, he’s good after the refresher course. Traveling with him is really a joy. He’s just so easy going and easy to please. He’s never met a stranger and he’s just about as adventuresome as I am. So when we travel, it’s always the perfect mix of rest and play – sleep and party.
This trip is one of those soul fulfilling trips. We are traveling with another dear friend and staying at the home of two more dear friends. What a blessing – not just to have this beautiful trip and take-your-breath-away view, but loving friends that open their hearts and homes and boats for us.
What would life be if we couldn’t share “just one more bite” meals that knock your socks off – or savor a great cabernet as you watch the sunset behind majestic hills and mountains? What would life be if we couldn’t float in the lake with our noodles, incredible margaritas and some of the best friends ever? How boring it would become if we couldn’t walk together and share our deepest thoughts among the towering pine trees.
I can see how some people would consider a place like this lonely. Small town, no city lights and not a whole lot of people or traffic or big malls. But not me. I am just a humble human being lucky enough to be sharing this space with singing birds, glowing fireflies, and trees that are so old that you know they have many great stories to tell.
Sitting on this porch, writing this column and drinking coffee is just about perfect. My A.D.D. is kicking in a little bit though, because my eyes keep straying to the beautiful views, and my ears keep listening to the joyous songs of the birds. The one thing that is weighing most on my mind is my sense of gratitude. I do appreciate all of this: my friends, the mountains, the lake, the food and my husband. (Not necessarily in that order, dear.) So, it’s time to go – another day of adventure awaits! Thank you, dear friends. Thank you, mother nature. Thank you, Carolina. Thank you, God. Now, time to Jet Ski!
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