She brought me about 10 pairs – they were hanging everywhere. I couldn’t see the wall. Or even the mirror, which at the time was a blessing. The time spent in the small, cramped room was agonizing. I was trying on jeans.
I had decided to bite the bullet and get a really good (read expensive) pair of jeans that fit well. (Or so the ads say). I was hoping it would make me feel better about the upcoming holiday grazing season. Truth be known, I wanted it all: to be able to eat all my favorite things and still be able to wear something besides sweat pants. So, I found myself in an extremely upscale clothing store with a very perky sales clerk who obviously bought her tiny-sized jeans in the children’s department.
“Now remember”, she said to me as she squeezed her petite frame inside the four-walled torture chamber. “Even though they all might be the same size, every make is different. Even if it is the same brand. So I brought you a few sizes and styles.” This variety included, but was not limited to: stretch jeans, jeans that hold your stomach in, jeans that have a no-gap waist band, jeans for curvier bodies, jeans with a certain tint to them, jeans that are made for moms and not their teenage daughters, boot cut jeans, straight leg jeans and the infamous “though I have worked my butt off at the gym for months they won’t even fit my big toe” jeans.
So I started going through all the jeans, mentally purging them. I didn’t look at the sizes, since realistically it should not matter….but that didn’t last long. If I can wear a brand that is a size smaller, you know that’s the one I’m going for. Once I separated the “maybes” from the “no way will those fit” I started the agonizing procedure of trying them all on.
Miss perky pants kept peeking her head in, wanting me to model them for her. I gracefully told her “over my dead body” would she be allowed to see me squeezing my body in blue sausage casings. She did remind me that since jeans now have spandex, that the tightness will go away and they will fit normal after awhile.
“Define awhile” I squeaked as I lay down on the floor, tugging the jeans up my body. “Do they also come with oxygen masks since I can’t breathe until they loosen up?” I swear I heard her say something about me loosening up as she grabbed the quick growing “no” pile I pressed out the door. “Do you have this problem when you wear children’s jeans” I asked her as I came out into the brightly lit hallway to stare into the three-way fun house mirror. “They are 5 inches too long.”
“Well, we don’t really have the perfect ‘models’ body now, do we?” Just as I thought of some incredibly clever comeback I turned and tripped on the dragging 5 inch hem, huffing into the cinnamon scented plush carpet. She mentioned something about her seamstress being available next week for hemming, and that the jeans fit great except for the length. ”They were meant for much taller women, but of course we can make exceptions to the rule and tailor them to fit.
Not sure if you have read any reports about a very tall and thin sales clerk that reported someone threatened to stuff a pair of jeans down her throat. I am sure such a story could not be true. I myself am happy with the 4 pair of sweatpants I bought…and vow to not return to that store for quite awhile…especially for the torturous swimsuit season.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment