The Annual Family Vacation

The Annual Family Vacation
I was in the store the other day listening to a child complain to his parents and it reminded me that it’s that wonderful time of year where dads start grinding their teeth and moms develop facial ticks. It’s why we work 50 weeks a year. It’s the chance we have to bond and renew our friendships with the kids. It’s the annual family vacation. When the kids were little, vacations were fun. Oh sure, they complained and whined while driving. They fought and kicked the back of the seat. But they WANTED to go. They wanted to be in the car, traveling to an exciting destination. They wanted to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on the road and play license plates tag. It was truly an adventure.

Then they got to be in their mid-teens. And their tastes started to change. They refused to eat peanut butter and jelly, and couldn’t play the games because their iPods were turned up too loud. The trip to get there was usually uneventful, but then again, they usually slept the whole way. Once we were there they actually enjoyed it. And since they didn’t know anyone, they could show their interest and not pretend they didn’t know us. Then came the latter teen years. Does any of this sound familiar? “Vacation? With my PARENTS? Like, in the same car? What, leave my girlfriend and all the guys? Are you kidding? Look, I’ll stay with my buddy, his parents won’t mind. PULEEEEZ don’t make me go with you. How can you do this to me – are you trying to ruin my life? Let me stay home alone. I PROMISE I will take care of the house, feed the cat and NO parties – oh, absolutely not. What? I’m shocked – you don’t trust me? I’m almost 18. Well, almost. But I can do this. LET me do this. Oh, fine. I’ll go pack. But I’m not happy about this. I won’t be any fun, I promise. You’ll wish you left me home.” The last time I heard that speech, my son had an absolute blast, and wanted to go back again. I suppose vacations are kind of like childbirth. You forget how painful they are, and so you want to do it again. At least in childbirth you get drugs.

Now, my kids are actually adults. They are older and have jobs and they WANT me to pay for their vacation. Funny though – they don’t mention that they want me to go with them. Except now, my vacations are taken kid-free. By choice. And they really DO stay home and watch the cat. The main difference is we threaten them with their life. No friends. Stay out of the basement (meaning bar…), lock the door. Take phone messages. Water the plants. Geez, it may just be easier to take them with me. It’ll be like old times. Only this time, I plan to have an extra glass of wine and my own iPod. I’ll just smile and nod and soak up the sun. Anyway, aren’t vacations supposed to be fun? We’ll do whatever it takes.

So, wherever you plan on taking your family truckster this spring break or summer, happy trails to you. And don’t forget the Advil.